I confess, I went to a social function last night to hear my daughters sing and had a bit too much coffee, so after I got home, I took a bit too much Sleep Complex to help me go to sleep. I slept very well but woke up groggy, not really grumpy just not ready for the day. When I waved my family good-bye as they went off to church, I contemplated if I could wait to get my dad out of bed. No, after 10 a.m. is just too late for him to stay in bed. So I gathered up all of the stuff I put in my pockets when I go out first thing in the mornings and went to do my chores.
There sat Mom in the chair asleep, I have no idea how long she had been there but it didn’t seem like it had been too long. After a brief interchange, I went to find Dad sound asleep. At this point I was already regretting that I didn’t take the time to drink my tea and try to make myself more cheerful before I went out.
I finally got Dad awake and he sat up. We started in on the morning bath routine. (Some of it I do, some of it he does…) In the midst of this, I realized we were going to have another morning of his not being all clear in the head. He has been kind of out of it a bit the past few weeks…and early last week I finally figured out why…Mom had put him back on a medicine that is a muscle relaxer. She hates his incontinence problem and for years has made the situation much more difficult than it has needed to be.
Anyway, I stepped out of the bedroom and into the living room to tell Mom, that I was pretty sure what we had been seeing with the “out of the head” was a withdrawal from the medicine. It was really meant to be a comfort to her because she does not deal well with him when he is like this. I don’t know what she said, but whatever it was triggered a slip in my alligator hide and my mouth allowed some of my thoughts to slip out. I told her that she should not have put Dad back on that medicine…and then I got the boat load of excuses about how he wanted it….then I said, “Did Dad ask for it? Or did you suggest it to him…?” The accompanying silence left her sputtering to put the blame on my husband who stupidly let her manipulate him into giving it to Dad. I told her I didn’t want her to give me excuses but for once take responsibility for the decisions that she makes. This is not the first time she has done this!! We have repeatedly had problems with this same medicine over the years and she is the one every time that has insisted that he “try it again”, it has never worked for him and the doctors have told him if it doesn’t work, don’t use it!
After this interchange of words, I went back and helped Dad with the rest of his bath and was pleased that he did a fairly strong bed to wheelchair transfer. (That was the best I have seen in over a week—maybe the withdrawal from the medicine is easing up?) But then the chatty stuff started about this and that and it was obvious that he was still having a problem with his mind being straight. Usually, when he is not fighting a drug withdrawal problem, we can talk and this kind of “chattiness” comes under control. Well this morning it didn’t and I was really beginning to wish I would have waited and had my morning tea.
After a bit of convincing (waiting for him to finish talking), we got him stood up, bottom washed, and his pants on. So I wheeled him out to the kitchen and asked Mom if she was making breakfast.
I should have just left right then and there. I knew it, but after looking at three days of dishes piled up all over the place I decided that I should wash the dishes, after all it really wouldn’t take that long would it? As I have mentioned in other posts, I let my mother do her own dishes because she can and I believe that even though she lives with some pain, she needs to be doing something to keep herself active. She is not socially active and even when asked to do things she usually says no. So I see this, doing daily chores, as something good for her. And honestly, it has only been within the past few months that she has even allowed me to do the dishes at all.
My mother is under 5 feet tall and I am 5’7”, she has a custom built lowered kitchen cabinet/sink with a deep sink. So washing her dishes requires that I literally bend over and I prefer to put the dish strainer on a drying pad up on the counter top, this seems to make the job easier for me. She tried to hide the drying pad from me under the sink, but I know where she put it so I got it out and proceeded to do the dishes. Almost instantly, I realized I should have just left the dishes, because she snapped at me about putting the dish strainer up on the counter top! That is really when I let down my gator hide and simply informed her it was because I am incapable of doing anything right. According to her I can’t cook, I can’t do the laundry, I can’t do anything right, not even wash the dishes. Dad is over there snickering in his orange juice because he has from time to time gotten a bit tired of her micromanaging the food on his plate and the clothes that he wears.
The most infuriating part of this whole dishes thing is that she accused me of taking up her counter space. The same counter space that she ALWAYS has piled with plastic boxes and plastic baggies AND dirty dishes!
I finished washing the dishes, I dried them and put them all away for her which I hate to do because she does have way too many pans and plastic boxes. I did make some remark about it is possible to get too many plastic boxes and Dad chimed in about “that being a problem that old ladies have”….so in order to keep the skin on his nose, I come back with old men can have too many buckets of screws, nuts and bolts. We batted that one around in fun until I beat him at his own game and he conceded with a grin that I was right.
Since I had already out worn my welcome with Mom, I went ahead and gathered up all of the trash and cleaned her toilet. Elderly people need help daily with things like cleaning the toilet…but if she knew that I actually used soap to clean it she would have again accused me of not doing things right and gone into a panic about wasting soap. But I can clean a toilet faster than she can walk from the kitchen to the bathroom…so I always get the job done without her knowing about this misdemeanor of mine.
So I finally arrived back at the house to wash my own dishes, and to find the cat patiently understanding that it was now 12:30 and she had not been fed lunch yet, as if she knew that I needed my morning tea!!